Saturday, September 15, 2012

Give me but Jesus. . .

It all became so real and painful as I looked into the eyes of one of our boys who was part of a group that got into trouble last week. I hadn't known exactly what had happened until a few minutes before. Now I was looking into his eyes for the last time--most likely. He was leaving. A few words were shared with him, and then he agreed to let us pray that God would help him to never do it again.

A short time later. . . he was gone.

- - - - -

My legs mechanically carry me along the familiar track.  The sky is bright blue with a few fluffy clouds and the sun peaking through; the hills are a lush sparkling green. My heart overflows with gratitude. Each day has been sweet with the bonds of love only growing deeper between us and the students. There is no other place I would rather be.

But my eyes hardly see the beauty around me--they're too full of tears. Another feeling is taking over--sorrow. Sorrow for what our boys had fallen into. To think that they had chosen to do something that only brings pain and harm to themselves and others was wrenching my heart. To think that the devil had his ugly hands on the lives of our boys--God's boys--made my heart weep. Yet I knew I was only tasting a drop of the pain that our heavenly Father feels. The deeper the love--the deeper the pain.

Yet there is another kind of sorrow that is even deeper--remorse for my own sinful ways. I have so often been the one guilty of breaking the Father's heart. But there is more. When I sin, I am never alone. Someone else will be impacted by it. In choosing my own sinful ways, I denied them the privilege of seeing the love of Jesus. I helped them choose a way that only brings pain and misery. I never drank alcohol--but my actions said that Jesus' love wasn't worth as much as the ways of this world.

When I sin, it breaks my heart. But when I see someone else yield to temptation and I realize that I am partly responsible--that crushes my heart. There just isn't any sin that is nice enough to hold onto when seen in the light of what it could lead another person into, when my heart has tasted of the Father's pain. . .

Nearer, still nearer, nothing I bring,
Naught as an offering to Jesus, my King;
Only my sinful, now contrite heart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.

Nearer, still nearer, Lord, to be Thine!
Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign,
All of its pleasures, pomp and its pride,
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.

1 comment:

  1. Amen! Brought tears to my eyes. May the Lord help us both be examples of Him!